Ever wonder why that voice in your head never seems to shut up? It can be your cheerleader, your worst critic, and everything in-between. But guess what? You have some control over this inner chatterbox.

One thing is certain: Our inner voice is a crucial part of our identity and influences our emotional life. “At its best, it helps us make smart decisions, categorise emotions, store information, reflect on the past, set goals, and define our self-image,” explains US neuroscientist Dr Ethan Kross. “Self-talk has an enormous influence on how we overcome challenges and navigate our daily lives.”

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INTERNAL TURMOIL

In stressful and problematic situations, these internal dialogues can spiral into endless brooding, making life more difficult. Kross has been studying this for years. In his book Chatter: The Voice in Our Head and How to Harness It, he reveals how we can tap into the positive potential of self-talk.

According to a Stanford study, we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. These thoughts come at high speed, as our inner voice is about ten times faster than our verbal voice. This inner voice is shaped by family, culture, and social norms, developing in early childhood, as Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky recognised about 100 years ago. It’s no wonder that children often appear engrossed in conversations with themselves or imaginary friends while playing. “These conversations help them learn to control themselves and achieve goals. They are a sign of neuronal and emotional maturation,” says Kross. “Even a negative inner voice has its value. In the right dose, it can mobilise, motivate, and bring about important changes and self-reflection.”

But be careful: If the inner voice becomes too brooding, it is no longer a reliable compass and can lead us into negative thought spirals with potentially dire consequences “This impairs our performance, strains our relationships, and, in the worst case, makes us ill,” warns Kross.

Dark thoughts activate the fear centre in the brain which elevates the blood pressure and releases adrenaline and cortisol. Our focus then shifts to everything that could go wrong, rather than seeking creative solutions. This can inevitably impact reality: Top footballers suddenly miss easy shots, and top students flub the simplest exam tasks. “One thought alone can abruptly fill an otherwise enjoyable experience with negative feelings from the past and worries about the future,” confirms Kross.

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BIRDS OF A FEATHER

Studies have shown that people who brood a lot have an increased need to share their problems. And when friends offer empathetic support, this may lead to co-rumination, where both parties get caught up in the negativity.

To avoid this downward spiral, it’s essential to be critical of your own voice and not always believe everything it says. Fortunately, there are specific strategies to get inner dialogues back on the right path. Particularly important is creating distance between what we feel and what we think, advises Kross. “If we simply take a step back, the voice in our head takes on a different tone,” he adds. This helps us step out of ourselves, put the situation in perspective, and look at it more objectively. It also reduces negative feelings and stress by slowing down the emotional responses in the brain.

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HELPFUL EXERCISES

So how do you do this? Talk to yourself like you’re talking to a friend. Address yourself by name or in the second or third person. It sounds strange, but it works surprisingly well. Even using “you” instead of “I” helps put some distance between you and your thoughts.

Another helpful technique is imagining what advice you would give a good friend. “This helps overcome the so-called inner view, where thinking is limited to your own perspective,” explains Kross. Mental time-travel is also effective. “If you are going through a difficult phase, detach yourself from the present and imagine how you will feel about it in ten years. This highlights the transience of stressful experiences and fosters hope,” says Kross. Even small everyday rituals can bring order to the chaotic chatter in our heads.

Nature can also work wonders: The tendency towards pessimism is automatically reduced when surrounded by greenery. Even looking out of a window makes a difference. Studies show that in natural environments, the inner voice becomes more concentrated, optimistic, and solution-oriented, as worries and fears seem smaller and less important. This also applies to moving art, music, and culture. Kross calls this phenomenon “self-shrinkage”. Although our inner voice might seem egocentric, a balanced approach to it can help us be more empathetic and make the world a friendlier place.

So, next time your inner voice starts going down a negative rabbit hole, remember this: You’re in charge! Take a deep breath, step back from those thoughts, and maybe even give yourself a pep talk like you would a friend. You might be surprised how much calmer and more capable you feel. Hopefully, you’ve been paying attention, inner voice?