Bumble. Situationships. Coffee Meets Bagel. Double, then triple texting. Swiping left on a potential talking stage. Tinder. Swiping left on a potential talking stage. Swiping right on a 6’3” man who is perceived by many to be “written by a woman”. If the fancy, overcomplicated buzzwords thrown about the dating sphere were of any help to our generation, we would have sorted out our relationships long ago. And yet, based on my numerous encounters with fed-up women and emotionally exhausted men, it seems as though none of us— yes, including the Instagram influencer-esque couples that we scroll past as quickly as possible—have it all figured out.
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As I reach the age of 24 and slowly approach my inevitable quarter-life crisis, I seem to either have acquaintances getting engaged to their high school sweethearts or friends who have never once been in a serious relationship. Having used dating apps in Singapore and the United Kingdom (UK), I witnessed how many of our problems with dating are fundamentally not cultural, but rather, crumbs of a larger generational issue. In the next couple of paragraphs, I hope we can go on a journey to understand this phenomenon a little better. Sit tight, ‘cos boy—it’s a long one!
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I never believed that situationships were a real thing. I still do not believe it’s a real word. But that didn’t stop me from being in one myself in the crux of 2022. I had met someone in the UK who at the time, said all the things I needed to hear. Having gotten out of a four-and-a-half-year relationship, I was convinced that this man was the answer to my long- winded prayers.
After several communication attempts and desperately changing parts of my personality to make it work, it seemed that we were ultimately on two different planets: I was too serious too fast and he was not interested in a relationship that would ultimately become a long-distance one. I’m sure there are stories out there that have far worse endings, but I found myself grieving this “situationship” longer than I had with my relationship of nearly half a decade. Life works itself out hilariously like that.
One could say that my biggest flaw was in trying to find a serious and meaningful relationship via a dating app to begin with. But why would that have been an issue? After all, was that not included in the apps’ basic functionality? Was I fundamentally misunderstanding Bumble and its purpose? With one year on a dating app—six months in the UK and six months in Singapore—I was beyond fed up. Sure, I had some successful dates.
Ultimately, though, the dates felt more like I was out having a chat with a friend. I’ve since realised that if you go into a dating app expecting the same levels of yearning and chemistry that you felt with your high school crush, you would be left largely disappointed. To make matters worse, I’d frequently encounter couples who looked like they’d known each other all their lives, and would excitedly whisper to me “You know, we met on Tinder”—a truly unbelievable feat. This cannot be the same app that frequently hosts the myriad of men whose bios read “I love tacos and late-night drives” and “my love language is physical touch”! But, I digress.
When I discussed this phenomenon with a friend of mine, a point was made that seems to poke at the bigger issue with dating as a Gen Z-er: We’re encountering more people than ever before. Back then, an individual would find their soulmate at a social event or meet at a bus stop (like my parents had!). Today, however, we’re bombarded with a kaleidoscope of faces and names across social media apps and dating sites. Rather than focusing on that one cute guy on our MRT route, we’re swiping through multiple of them, and checking them off against a list of requirements in our heads in the process. As a result, young people are being led into the mass illusion of choice—the belief that there are multiple, compatible people available at our disposal.
I’ve personally witnessed friends who gave up on stable, seemingly boring relationships, in pursuit of exciting unknowns. Social media certainly does not help in this respect, especially as it has expanded en-masse to following people of influence, or individuals you have mutual connections with—rather than people you know. Instead of having an inbox filled with old uni pals or even coworkers, we’ve become accustomed to having absolute strangers strike up a conversation with us based on the picturesque, polished portrayal of ourselves. With that in mind, it’s hard to imagine a purely online connection with someone that would amount to anything other than eventual disappointment.
Perhaps dating apps are solely meant to be a catalyst. A way for us to strike up an initial conversation, in the hopes that we’d be able to eventually understand them better in person. As someone who works within a brand and marketing department, my best advice would be to approach dating the way you would for a potential client. The first date is the first pitch, and if it tugs at our heartstrings, then hey, we’re off to a good collaborative journey!
To be completely honest, dating apps still intimidate me. If a friend tells me they’ve redownloaded Bumble, I’m accustomed to seeing that as a clear cry for help. It’s hard to say if our generation will go on to build lasting relationships amidst the rise of dating apps, but I’m proud to see us try, nonetheless. Although the pandemic largely contributed to the dwindling of face-to-face interaction, I’d like to think that we’re rebuilding ourselves to become less chronically online.
Several activity spaces and app-organised dinner dates have come into trend, promoting organic and less forced meet-ups with new faces. With the encouragement of real-life conversations, I sure hope to eventually step into a future where situationships are not just abnormal but unheard of. And who knows? If we find a way to strike a balance between online versus IRL (in real life) interactions, and take away any elements of comparison to our online peers, perhaps we’ll be the first generation of couples to proudly be able to say, yes, we met on Tinder. And yes, it worked out just fine.